Eight years ago today...

Eight years ago today, my life changed forever.
Eight years ago today, my naviete was squashed.
Eight years ago today, I learned that life really isn't fair.
Eight years ago today, I started to rely on my Heavenly Father more than ever.
Eight years ago today, I cried more tears than I ever have before or since.
Eight years ago today, I hugged my husband as he sobbed.
Eight years ago today, I started to rely on the Lord more than ever before.

Eight years ago today, we found out that the child I carried had the congenital defect known as gastroschisis. Back then, the future seemed so uncertain. The life that I had been planning on seemed to have slipped through my fingers. I was so used to prediciting, and then plotting my life until I got what I desired...college, career, marriage, getting pregnant. Everything went pretty much according to plan, without me putting my trust in the Lord, but through putting my trust in me. And then, the gastroschisis happened.

Those few precious months between finding out about Harrion's condition and his birth were as hard as they were wonderful. I had my moments of fear and anquish. Believe me. But, I decided to really start developing a relationship with my Maker. As I did all that this required, and started to see a counselor, I felt better. I realized that we are not in charge, as much as I wish we were. I felt better about the situation. Now, that is not to say that this was easy. I was fragile the entire time, but at the same time, I was gaining strength.

It is hard to believe that the Harrison today is the Harrison of eight years ago. He is so smart. He is healthy. His front two teeth are finally growing in. I give him random hugs because when I look at him I still see him in his NICU bassinet too. Admittedly I worry about him and Alyssa also and want to wrap them up in bubblewrap and lock them in the house to keep them safe. But that just shows me I forgot my own experience eight years ago. I am grateful that when this day rolls around I am reminded to be a better person, a more faithful person.

I don't know why Harrison did so well when some other babies with this condition have not. I ache for their families. I never take for granted that Harrison is here. I am grateful for the trial, and admittedly that everything worked out so well too. I will never be the same the girl that I was eight years ago yesterday. And I am better off for it.