Eight years ago today...

Eight years ago today, my life changed forever.
Eight years ago today, my naviete was squashed.
Eight years ago today, I learned that life really isn't fair.
Eight years ago today, I started to rely on my Heavenly Father more than ever.
Eight years ago today, I cried more tears than I ever have before or since.
Eight years ago today, I hugged my husband as he sobbed.
Eight years ago today, I started to rely on the Lord more than ever before.

Eight years ago today, we found out that the child I carried had the congenital defect known as gastroschisis. Back then, the future seemed so uncertain. The life that I had been planning on seemed to have slipped through my fingers. I was so used to prediciting, and then plotting my life until I got what I desired...college, career, marriage, getting pregnant. Everything went pretty much according to plan, without me putting my trust in the Lord, but through putting my trust in me. And then, the gastroschisis happened.

Those few precious months between finding out about Harrion's condition and his birth were as hard as they were wonderful. I had my moments of fear and anquish. Believe me. But, I decided to really start developing a relationship with my Maker. As I did all that this required, and started to see a counselor, I felt better. I realized that we are not in charge, as much as I wish we were. I felt better about the situation. Now, that is not to say that this was easy. I was fragile the entire time, but at the same time, I was gaining strength.

It is hard to believe that the Harrison today is the Harrison of eight years ago. He is so smart. He is healthy. His front two teeth are finally growing in. I give him random hugs because when I look at him I still see him in his NICU bassinet too. Admittedly I worry about him and Alyssa also and want to wrap them up in bubblewrap and lock them in the house to keep them safe. But that just shows me I forgot my own experience eight years ago. I am grateful that when this day rolls around I am reminded to be a better person, a more faithful person.

I don't know why Harrison did so well when some other babies with this condition have not. I ache for their families. I never take for granted that Harrison is here. I am grateful for the trial, and admittedly that everything worked out so well too. I will never be the same the girl that I was eight years ago yesterday. And I am better off for it.

Confession

This is hard to say. Well, not just hard, embarrasing too. I suppose you could also say worrisome. Well, worriesome to me. But I always worry, just ask Todd. If worrying were a profession, I would be the CEO. Back to the topic at hand, I have to confess, I am out of shape....she writes with her head hung in shame.

I have not really exercised in months. MONTHS. I have lost weight too. You know what this means, I have lost mainly muscle- not good. I went to the gym today. It was not pretty. I was huffing and puffing on the tredmill and going at a considerly low speed. AHHH! Not too long ago, I was jogging 13 miles at a time. And I loved it! Today at the gym I cursed the idea of even moving.

I am so devastated. And scared. And mad, at myself. Well, what to do? I guess I just got to get back on the wagon - err I mean treadmill, elliptical, or bike. I hope it doesn't take MONTHS to get back to running the way I used to.

Now, and this is the sick part, like I said I have lost weight. I am wearing smaller sizes. I like weighing less and am slighty afraid that working out will make me gain weight. I know it would be good weight, but that is how screwed my thinking is reagarding weight. There is another thought somewhere in the back of my mind that doesn't even care if I gain 20 pounds while working out again. Because I will physically feel much better if I work out. I hope this thought takes over.

So, here I go. I guess I will see how what happens with this body of mine. Wish me luck.

Spring Break 2010

This spring break was wonderful and jam packed with a lot of fun. This is the rundown:

Friday 12th - half day, had lunch with friends, hiked "A" Mountain with Brennan
Saturday 13th - brunch with the kids
Sunday 14th - dinner with Nana and Papa
Monday 15th - Casa Grande Ruins in Coolidge
Tuesday 16th - rode bikes
Wednesday 17th - traditional St. Patrick's lunch in Fountain Hills
Thursday 18th - Phoenix Zoo, girls night for Mom
Friday 19th - Lunch with friends
Saturday 20th - Cousin Skye's Birthday Party, Date night for Mom and Dad
Sunday 21st - Dinner with Grammy and Pappy, got souvenirs from their European trip

Whew, no wonder I am exhausted! We are so lucky that there are so many fun things to do here. The kids and I made a list of everywhere we want to go, see, and explore in our area. This week we barley scrathced the surface. So, I guess I am looking forward to Summer so we can continue to enjoy Arizona!

Only my kids....

Build the Whitehouse, instead of a sand castle in the sand box...

Would rather go to New York City, instead of the Happiest Place on Earth...

Beg their mother to go to the Four Corners...

Spend all of the contents in their treasure box to buy books...

Create a cellphone out of an 8 X 11 piece of copy paper, it's Verizon by the way...

Like to roll their eyes in the back of their head and try to scare me...

Are afraid to go upstairs alone, they have to have the other with them and the lights on...

Cut their own bangs, ok I think every kid has done that one before :)...

Cut out the mesh parts of the Pack N'Play so that their cousin, who spends most days with us, can get out of bed from his naps earlier...It actually does work



My kids may drive me up the wall sometimes, at least once a day, but they always put a smile on my face. I feel so lucky! All mothers are. So, what are some of things only your children do?

New Calling

As much as I am dreading the Pinewood Derby, I am going to love wearing this to our weekly den meetings:

Suns vs Jazz

Last night we had the pleasure to watch the Suns game with Todd's firm. We had great seats - in the nicest suite I have ever seen at the US Airway Center. We've been in a suite before, but this one was even better! It was huge! We had awesome food too. However, the very best thing about the suite is that you have your own bathroom, which all women know equals zero wait time. Sweet suite.

Too bad the Jazz won. Last time we watched the game in a suite it was the Suns vs Jazz too. The Jazz won then also. Grrr. Todd and I decided we are bad luck and if we get the opportunity to see another Suns/Jazz game in person, we will have to decline! JK

Oh and I have a new celebrity crush, Steve Nash. Go Nashy.

Enough

I am 31 years old. And througout the years I have learned that to truly be happy, I need to surround myself with great people. And I have. By luck, my kids are amazing..beautiful, smart, funny, and kind. By luck, my parents and brothers are some of my greatest friends. Now, Todd, I scouted him out. It was not by luck that I ended up with him. I knew what I wanted in a husband and would not settle for anything less. He is great and makes me happy. It is the same with my friends. I am somewhat picky in that area. I will not spend my precious time with fake, insincere people. That may be why I have only a handful of friends. But quantity does not equal quality. My friends are the best. I can go to them with anything and they will love and support me, not judge me or ridicule me.

So why is it that when I am intentionally hurt by insincere people, people in my life that I unfortunately can't avoid, my feelings are hurt?

I am trying hard to not let these "mean girls" affect me, but it is hard. Sometimes, my 31 year old self feels 13 instead!